The Bottom of the Mountain
Cycles. Never-ending. How is it possible to regress so far? I don't even feel like I know who I am anymore. I was so sure not a couple weeks ago, I was making strides. Now I feel as if I've walked off that cliff. Usually I fall to the bottom and climb back up, but this time feels different. I've lost sight of the peak. Furthermore, why should I climb back towards it if I just end up down here every time anyway? It's never-ending. It's exhausting. I'm tired. This illness feels like it has been eating away at my brain for so long. It hurts. I feel like any concept of self has been stripped away from me. I've been drifting from one day to the next, moment to moment. It's been over a year now. I'm not any closer to where I wanted to be after school than I was then, or at least it feels that way. I feel behind, I feel like a failure. It's so simple, I don't have to do much. But I fail. I don't even begin. I'm petrified. It's so much ...