Everything and Nothing

I want to do everything and nothing all at once. 

I absolutely adore when I have free time. It used to be the opposite. When I felt like I had nothing to live for I only wanted to eat, sleep, and do things with friends. I relied solely on external factors to get any fulfillment in life. However, more and more I've come to enjoy my time spent alone. Not only do I like doing important things by myself, but I enjoy the time just living. Just this weekend I spent so much time driving around the city and staying at different houses that I hardly noticed the downtime. And yet, it was mostly all downtime. I've realized that moving forward doesn't always involve doing anything huge. On the contrary, any time spent enjoying life is not time wasted. On most weekends nights I spend lots of time watching anime. Some would see it as a waste, but I do get fulfillment out of it. And to me it's a way to show how far I've come. I do almost anything I want and feel fulfilled.

On the other end, I see tasks such as starting up the search for a new relationship, doing classwork and learning, and even thinking up ideas for a huge new Minecraft project as important tasks. This isn't to say everything else is insignificant, it just means these are time-filling and usually tasks that act as means to get closer to my life goal. That's right! Having life goals that I genuinely feel passionate about is another reason I can tell I've come far.

The division of these two types of actions is a potentially oversimplified way to look at life, but it has helped me add some structure to things. In my mind a healthy combination of these two types of tasks is the key to my continuous happiness, but I am still trying to find that balance. I want to do both at once, and I know my time only allows for so much of both in a day, which is where the challenge lies. I feel very empowered and inspired right now, which I can thank some fictional role models for (see, watching anime is not useless!), but it's difficult to know where to focus my efforts at any given point. It all goes back to structure. I know I can succeed if I have enough structure, and I'm getting closer and closer to being able to possible implement some sort of structure! Having assignments due at certain points helps for sure. Until then, everything and nothing all at once is my motto. 

Perhaps the message here is nothing is just part of everything afterall...